I Am Scared To Take That First Step

I keep promising myself that I will quit working next year and take that leap into the unknown. I tell myself, I don’t have to work for someone else and I’ve even taken steps to figure out how to be my own boss.

I buy books, read articles, and think about what I could offer the world so I can work for myself. I’ve thought about creating courses to share what I know. I’ve thought about starting podcasts, writing books, and I’ve taken the steps to learn more about social media and branding but I still haven’t taken the step.

I know some people start their business as a side line but with working all day as a teacher, providing study hall two nights a week, volunteering for all the sports events, and trying to keep up with lesson plans and grading, I don’t want to spend the little bit of free time trying to do other work.

So while I know what to do, you probably wonder why I haven’t done it yet. The honest truth is that I am scared to take that first step off the cliff. I am the type of person who has to have a safety net in place before I do anything be it change jobs, move to a new location, or start my own business.

I do not want to spend my time hustling in order to make enough money to survive while my business is taking off. I want to have access to continued medical care because I’ve been without it before and it is too scary for me. It is too scary to think about owing so much money I’ll never be out of debt till I’m 102.

I could have stopped working one year ago but I didn’t. I let a friend talk me into moving to another district and I’ve decided to return one more year. That is what I keep telling myself. I just need one more year and I’ll have everything lined up from healthcare to my safety net.

I am not an innovator at all. I don’t come up with the idea that births a whole new thing. I don’t invent that fantastic item that goes viral overnight. I don’t even see the point of being an instagram or tick tock star. What I can do is take someone else’s idea and twist it to fit my needs.

In the last several years, I’ve figured out how to create green screen videos to use in math, how to incorporate legos into high school math to use as manipulatives, create infographics or poster to foster mathematical communications. I can make animation showing all sorts of congruent or similar polygons using keynote and other animation apps. If you want to know how to connect slope with the difference quotient, I can do that but if you want me to think of something new, you can forget it. My mind doesn’t work that way.

Still the bottom line is I am scared. Even in real life, I won’t try certain things like bungy jumping, yet I’ll head off to visit a new country by myself without thinking about it. For me to quit working and start my own business is like trying to conquer a fear of heights and try zip lines. The whole thing is just too scary.

Will I ever do it? Eventually, when I’m tired of teaching and working for others. When I’ve got myself to a position in life when I feel safe making that change. Then I will do it but until then, I’ll continue finding excuses to put it off one more year. Thank you for taking time to read this.